You've Got A Girlfriend Charlie Brown!
by Charlotte Alderlove
Summary: Charlie Brown is lonely. So who is he gonna call after all his friends? That's right, the Little Redhaired Girl. I changed the thing someone got offended about, I was vague.


Charlie Brown sat watching TV. He invited over a bunch of friends since he was having problems. So far only Schroeder showed up, but Linus called and said he was on his way.  
"So what's got you down Charlie Brown?" Schroeder asked. "Do you think some Beethoven could calm your nerves?"  
"No. I just want a girl to like me. I am a senior. I'm almost done with all of school and have never had a serious girlfriend! Name one person who has made it this far without a girlfriend!" Charlie exclaimed.  
Schroeder thought. He was with Lucy. Franklin was with some cute brunette with glasses who wasn't Marcie. Marcie and Peppermint Patty had a relationship that was more than friends for awhile. Violet and Shermy went off together. "Linus doesn't have a girlfriend."  
"He has dated like seven girls and is currently dating my sister." Charlie said.  
Sally ran to the room where everyone was. "My Linus sense is tingling."  
"Thank god Lucy never wound up like this." Schroeder said.  
"Too much pride." Charlie noted.  
Lucy walked in with Linus. Linus was immediately tackled by a hug from Sally. Lucy sighed. "Get out of the way so I can get my money!" She said, pushing the two away.  
She said, not paying any attention "The rates have gone up since we were kids, exponentially of course." Schroeder coughed. "If you want a kiss, get up off your lazy ass my blockhead!" Lucy yelled.  
Schroeder asked, holding out a hand "Can you at least help me up?"  
Lucy sighed "Alright." The second that her hand hit his, he spun her in so she was in his lap and wrapped his other arm around her so she couldn't leave. They were laughing."I honestly should have seen that coming."  
Schroeder kissed her cheek. "If you are going to trap me for it at least give me a real kiss!" Lucy exclaimed.  
"Ow. That was in my ear!" Schroeder exclaimed, both still laughing. He kissed her on the lips. It got full of tongue quickly.  
Charlie Brown exclaimed "Lucy! I need your psychiatric advice! And Schroeder I need your support!"  
"Psychologic advice." She corrected. "I am no pill popper, Charlie Brown!"  
Schroeder nodded. "It is rude to rub our happiness in."  
Lucy got the nearest chair, a pair of 3D glasses with the lens popped out, her notepad and pen. She crossed her legs. "So what exactly is going on Charlie Brown?"  
"Nobody loves me." He answered.  
Linus pushed Sally away."Charlie Brown that is ridiculous!" Linus exclaimed. "I love you! You are like a big brother to me! The kind of older sibling I always wanted!"  
Lucy gave an offended "Hey!"  
"I meant like girls. I've never had a girlfriend." Charlie Brown noted.  
Linus paused."let's go change it! Let's go find Heather!"  
"Who?"  
"The little red haired girl!" Linus exclaimed.  
"While we're at it we should find Eudora, Melody-Melody, Truffles, Lydia, Mimi... All your crushes."  
"You are forgetting Janice. And I got a kiss from at least one of those, and I have a girlfriend." Linus explained. Sally stood with her hands on her hips.  
"Janice, huh?" Sally asked  
"She is the one with cancer, Sally. I heard she was out of remission, I actually want to make sure she is okay." Linus explained.  
Sally sighed. "Now I feel really stupid."  
"It's ok, I love you now." Linus explained.  
Lucy asked "Why do you feel like you need a girl, Charlie Brown?"  
"Society, I guess."  
"If you need a girlfriend it needs to be for your own personal gain."  
"Well I..." Charlie started.  
"I found out where she lives!" Linus yelled triumphantly.  
"I am going to tell the red headed girl I like her!" Charlie Brown exclaimed.  
Lucy said sarcastically "I'd love to see this."  
Schroeder smiled. "Good. I am sure Charlie Brown could use an extra wingman."  
Lucy sighed. She put her hand out for Schroeder to help her up. He did, spun her in, dunked her and kissed her.  
"I'm glad I stuck with you." Lucy said.  
Schroeder nodded. "It was all about persistence, and puberty."  
Lucy smiled. "I've got it!" She ran after Linus and Charlie. The girl was a block or so away.  
Heather answered, in a corset, fishnets and stripper boots. "I am late for work, what?"  
"I'm Charlie Brown. I ha-ha-had a crush on you in elementary school." He responded.  
Heather smiled."Oh, Charlie, I remember you. They won't mind if I hang out with you."  
"I am sorry, I just can't let my best friend date a prostitute." Linus explained.  
"Who said anything about dating? I just want one night is all." Heather beckoned.  
Lucy came up to Heather and slapped her hard. "Get AHOLD of yourself woman!" Lucy exclaimed. "You are better than this! You are more then men think you are!"  
"Hey! There is a fair amount of control in being the carrot the horses run to."  
"But you are trapped. You can be liberated!"  
"Yes!" Heather exclaimed. "Yes! I can be liberated from all those men!" She kissed Lucy who promptly made a disgusted face afterwards. Heather smiled. "Thanks Lucy. I feel free to be a lesbian now." Heather went inside and closed the door.  
Schroeder was there to say "So you kissed a girl and didn't like it?"  
"Not one bit. I only want your kisses." Lucy said.  
Schroeder smiled. "After we help Charlie Brown."  
"I oughta slug you..." Lucy started.  
"I wanna smack you."  
"I dare you." She said. He kissed her. "Oh that kind of smack." Lucy figured out.  
Linus said "Violet is single. So is Patty, and the whole group that gave you crap..."  
Charlie shook his head. "No way!"  
A beautiful, weird, bookish blonde passed by. She stopped and ran back. "Have you heard of briar dragons? And snap roses?"  
"No. What are they?"  
"Things in my new story. I wanted to make sure nobody knew them. My name is Katherine, but most call me Kit." She introduced. "And I know you. You're Charlie Brown! The most popular misfit I've ever known! I swear on my life itself that is a compliment."  
"You think I'm... Popular?"  
"You know Linus Van Pelt, the leader of First Priority, plus Student Council president! And oh my god you know Schroeder? He is so awesome! I've seen his band everywhere. I think they even won the talent show! Oh and Lucy Van Pelt, ah a wholehearted salute to you. If it weren't for you and Peppermint Patty, we wouldn't have our own feminist club here. Even then, I heard Peppermint Patty quit, so it is all you. The only reason I held back was Patricia. I didn't want to be labelled a man hater. And then there is you, Charlie Brown. The most persistent creature I know. Ninth tenth and eleventh grades you went to all the dances, dateless. You went to the date auctions and no one bet on you. But you have kept doing it, in the hopes a girl will eventually care. It is very noble of you, Charlie Brown. I never could devote that much of my energy to men. I just need someone who would spur of the moment just kiss me!" She explained. Charlie Brown, not having time to worry, dipped her and kissed her. She held on and didn't let go.  
Schroeder smiled. "I think he picked up something from me."  
"Despite the fact you were asexual until puberty, you really are quite the romantic."  
"Only with you, Lucy."  
"I love you, my blockhead." Lucy said, leaning her head on Schroeder's shoulder.  
"I love you my fussbudget." He said, kissing her head. "Why did you rush over here by the way?"

"To let him know what worked for us, persistence. He has a lot of it."

"And now the point is moot." Schroeder noted. A couple seconds later Schroeder asked "Want to give these two some privacy?"

"Yes. I want to lay on your keyboard while you play."  
"You know I got the one with that awkward extra space for you so you weren't leaning on buttons right?"  
"I guessed as much." Lucy said. Schroeder grabbed her hand and escorted her to his house.


End file.
